I wanted to point something out and ask you guys what you think. While my example is specific, I am sure it applies to everyone in some way. It has to do with dealing with people when there is an unknown or unreasonable expectation. Let me be specific as to the one I deal with regularly:
I get a ton of emails. As in hundreds on a regular basis. When I got back from Haiti, it took me 2 days to just go through all the ones I didn’t read in the field.
No matter how good my intentions are to treat everyone with respect, answer their questions or help them out, it is physically impossible for me to sit down and answer every email I get. I have also learned that even when I do answer them, it only encourages them to email more, and in the past when I have attempted to answer emails, I can sit down, answer for a few hours and have more than when I started.
So, in order to deal with this, I have established a few governing email rules, that I will only answer certain types of questions and the rest I simply have to let ‘fall’ by the wayside.
I am learning there is a huge problem with this…. the writers of these emails often ‘take offense’ and become upset with me because I didn’t respond. There have even been several instances in the past where a blog reader / forum user suddenly goes from having a positive attitude towards me, to suddenly becoming negative, and even opposing what I am trying to do. In fact, some have gone from supports to ‘haters’ without me doing a single thing. I can name 4 off the top of my head.
I believe this happens because there was an expectation for reciprocation that wasn’t met. Sometimes I have no idea what people expect from me and I do not think it is reasonable for them to take offense because I do not react in a way they were expecting. It’s been going on for a couple years now, but it is so consistent I see I need to find a solution to it.
I know exactly how it feels to be on the other side of the fence as well. I have contacted several, several photographers to invite them to judge the photography contest or participate in other ways…. 90+% of the time, I never hear anything from them, but I get it, they, like me…are very, very busy. Still…I do not get bent out of shape about it, and this is something I wish readers would understand.
So the conundrum is this: How is it possible to lower or not meet expectations in such a way it doesn’t offend people? Or is it just necessary to accept the fact that I will upset them, even when I really do not mean to?I wanted to point something out and ask you guys what you think. While my example is specific, I am sure it applies to everyone in some way. It has to do with dealing with people when there is an unknown or unreasonable expectation. Let me be specific as to the one I deal with regularly:
I get a ton of emails. As in hundreds on a regular basis. When I got back from Haiti, it took me 2 days to just go through all the ones I didn’t read in the field.
No matter how good my intentions are to treat everyone with respect, answer their questions or help them out, it is physically impossible for me to sit down and answer every email I get. I have also learned that even when I do answer them, it only encourages them to email more, and in the past when I have attempted to answer emails, I can sit down, answer for a few hours and have more than when I started.
So, in order to deal with this, I have established a few governing email rules, that I will only answer certain types of questions and the rest I simply have to let ‘fall’ by the wayside.
I am learning there is a huge problem with this…. the writers of these emails often ‘take offense’ and become upset with me because I didn’t respond. There have even been several instances in the past where a blog reader / forum user suddenly goes from having a positive attitude towards me, to suddenly becoming negative, and even opposing what I am trying to do. In fact, some have gone from supports to ‘haters’ without me doing a single thing. I can name 4 off the top of my head.
I believe this happens because there was an expectation for reciprocation that wasn’t met. Sometimes I have no idea what people expect from me and I do not think it is reasonable for them to take offense because I do not react in a way they were expecting. It’s been going on for a couple years now, but it is so consistent I see I need to find a solution to it.
I know exactly how it feels to be on the other side of the fence as well. I have contacted several, several photographers to invite them to judge the photography contest or participate in other ways…. 90+% of the time, I never hear anything from them, but I get it, they, like me…are very, very busy. Still…I do not get bent out of shape about it, and this is something I wish readers would understand.
So the conundrum is this: How is it possible to lower or not meet expectations in such a way it doesn’t offend people? Or is it just necessary to accept the fact that I will upset them, even when I really do not mean to?
You will never please all. Carry on, you are doing a great job!
I think grmatt said it all.
You’re bloody famous! My word!! 3,000+ friends on FB!!! We love ya! I would suggest to you that you do what you have to do, run your business, raise your family, do not feel obligated to answer any emails. You are a very busy man….as far the haters… they need to get a life! We are all too busy these days, just part modern living I guess… keep it fun, there are thousands that support you and follow you, that will not change…it seems to me the forum is more than capable of answering all the questions. Keep yourself FREE to be creative, and we will follow….
Brief form reply – basic – thank you for your email, interest, question… though I am unable to answer all emails individuallys, I do offer the forum ….
You have basically stated these points before on the blog, I’m thinking just to have this email set to reply to such emails. That way the email is "automated" – not too personal and noted as a form letter, as to not expect a reply back, and yet the writer still gets their – feeling of importance for the response (which we all know is so vital 😀 after reading How to win friends and influence people.) and leave it at that. I believe David Jay has written on this same situation as well in Open Source, can’t pin point the date, but I’m quite sure you’re not alone Michael! ~Boz
Hi Michael, That is amazing how someone can go from being your fan to a hater in short time, that goes to show you they were not a true fan… Keep working like you have, answer the messages you can, we know you are super busy and those of us that know you personally and write to ya once in a while understand you, support you and appreciate all you do for us. So if you take a long time to respond or not at all, we understand. BTW, really enjoying the APT DVD…!
You could try outsourcing again…:) Have them reply to your emails. Or you could just hire a secretary or someone that could answer the basic emails, and then leave the complicated questions to you…just brainstorming for ya!
I believe I remember you saying on here that you are super busy (which you obviously are) and that you can’t reply to all of your emails, which is why you created the forum. People shouldn’t have such unrealistic expectations, such as you personally answering the myriad of emails you receive everyday…it just can’t be done.
I had a super long winded, fully detailed response for this and after typing it all out, realized it just comes down to like mentioned below.. "You can’t make everyone happy"
This is good input. I know I have mentioned it before, but sometimes we get new readers or students who do not see the old posts. I think I need to work on different ways of letting people know what the deal is. Maybe a new email addy with automated responses, or a note where they would email me, or some help, or something. It has got me thinking…
Thank you everyone!
I would think an automatic response email would be the best. They get a response and a place to go that answers can be found or questions posted that others can possibly answer.
While I certainly understand your frustration, there are some things to note. No offense intended – I think you do a great job – see point 4. Just a few suggestions:
1) I myself often could not find specific information about products in your online store. Presenting the products in more detail could save you from lots of repetitive questions.
2) FAQ sections do make sense and you can easily refer to them with a link. The same holds true for general photography questions that you could refer to a link list of websites.
3) If it is too much work for you alone, you might well employ a part-time help to deal with easy-to-answer questions. After all, if your business is increasing, you will receive more and more emails. Just the way it is.
4) Finally: You can never make everybody happy. Do your best (and I can tell you: YOU ROCK!) and learn to live with the fact that some people are complainers.
I am always amazed at peoples self-centered and egotistical behaviors. So to answer your conundrum…it really doesn’t matter to me, as long as you answer mine!
Hi Michael,
If you let the rude one’s bother you it will spoil your enjoyment of life. You will always get some like that. Best to just let it go. How awful to be that petty. Imagine how miserable their lives must be. Thank you for sharing your knowledge so freely with us. You really are an inspiration to many. All the very best with your move. Linda
Iphone pictures!
You cant always please everyone. With that said….This post just makes me feel extra special for the emails of mine that you have returned. Thanks! You’re great! Keep up the great work!