Dona (10.26.11, 2:16 PM): It´s tricky & depends on the character of the friend. If he/she can take honesty, then I would tell them to make a choice one way or the other.
Carrie (05.19.11, 7:04 PM): I would go to the one cheating and tell them that I knew, encourage them to repent and to tell their spouse. I would follow up by asking them if they'd told. More valuable than a marriage is a soul, but if they repent of their sin and choose love the marriage could be saved also.
Kathy (05.18.11, 9:46 AM): In both situtions I would go to the unfaithful spouse first and talk to them. I would after that decide to talk to the other spouse, depending on the outcome of that conversation.
christine (05.17.11, 12:50 AM): So you could look your 'best friend' in the eye and maintain a BF relationship knowing every time she talks about her husband and marriage that he's sleeping with someone else? Really? It's a nasty unfair position to be put in that's for sure. Sometimes the messanger is the one that gets the worse end of the stick. If they split or stay and work it out, there really is not a win anywhere for anyone. Be ready to loose your friendship if you do tell. Be ready to loose your friendship to not tell and have her find out later you KNEW.
Michael Andrew (05.16.11, 9:28 PM): The advice I give is this: It depends on the seriousness of your relationship with those involved, the closer the relationship, the more important it will be for you to say something. I would expect the same of all my close friends as confidants to tell me. I prefer not to get involved if possible, but there are some real risks and dangers (both physical and emotional) where a lot of innocent people (& children) can be hurt. If you saw a car about to run over your friend would you try to warn them? I know I would. I can tell some nightmare stories but I will spare you the details. That said, you are taking a HUGE risk in speaking up- also know that if you do say something, there is an extremely good chance that it may result in losing that friendship and even pegging some of the negative emotion on you for being the bearer of bad news, by all parties involved. The best advice I can give on this, is to try to find a way to tell your friend in a way that is: 1. Anonymous (this is so they cannot assign blame to you for the break up. 2. Offer specifics;names, dates times. 3. Be as short and to the point as possible. 2-3 sentences max. On a note or in a letter- mail it to them. Once the person has been warned and they know, be there if they ask you for support but otherwise try to stay out of it after the truth comes out. It's not an easy situation, but if it is a good friend, I think it is worth telling them in such a manner.
Aaron (05.16.11, 8:17 PM): All evil needs to triumph is for a good person to do nothing. Considering it is a good friend or family member and that these facts came to you (meaning you didn't stalk people or try to trap them etc...) then you are obligated to do something about it. I don't believe we get information like that to not act. The advice and way to say something are obviously going to vary depending on the circumstance but the both parties deserve for the air to be clear and go from there.
Matt (05.16.11, 4:17 PM): If you're good friends there are no secrets and you can tell them anything. If they're the one doing the cheating and they didn't confide in me before they started I would tell the other spouse. The reason I say this is because they have lost my trust and I would have helped the two either work on their relationship or end it before starting a new one.
Kjersti (05.16.11, 4:02 PM): I appreciate that my closest friend did get involved once she knew for a fact. I thank her now for having the courage to do it. Had she not known for a fact, I would never have believed her. You have to know for a fact.
JT (05.16.11, 3:11 PM): This situation has come up alot in the last few years. My wife's two best friend's cheated on their husbands (she didn't say anything). I found out my best friend cheats on his wife ( I didn't say anything). In both cases we know the person cheating. If it was the other way around and my friend was being cheated on I'm not sure what I would do as I haven't been put in that position yet.
Bill (05.16.11, 3:10 PM): 21 years ago, my brother was going to put his cat down because he was sick and the vet suggested that he do it. I told him, "hey, that's kind of permanent, why not give him some time, see if he heals". He did, and that cat is still kickin. The point is, even if you knew of an affair, I wouldn't necessarily rush in and be the one to put an end to that marraige. Give it a little time. I know that people out there are reading this and saying the marriage is already over, but maybe not. Either way, it's a tough spot to be in........knowing about it and not knowing what to do. I suggest you be very careful.
Natalie (05.16.11, 1:40 PM): Hard to agree with Lloyd but I do. That is what Dr. Laura would say also. Hard to see it and know it but none of my business. : (
April (05.16.11, 12:19 PM): No. However, I would tell the cheating party what I thought and encourage them to come clean. I would also let them know I would not lie for them, period. Why wouldn't I tell? You never know how people will react. If you accuse the cheater and kill the marriage I'd become accountable in a way... as the accuser becomes the executor. Especially if they could have worked it out if I kept my mouth shut. I would want to tell innocent spouse... but yeah... I wouldn't. It is best for them to hear it from their loved one, even if there loved one is not the best person.
Quangdog (05.16.11, 11:44 AM): How about you look at things from a different light: Say you have incontrovertible proof that someone is about to give a huge gift to their spouse (say, a cruise) - do you tell the spouse? Of course not! So why would you tell them about an affair? What is it about the human experience that seems to make some want to interfere in a relationship in which they have no part? It's none of your business either way. Stay out of it.
Daniel B. (05.16.11, 5:40 AM): I know for certain that if I was the friend being cheated on, I would want to know. Wont go into details, but it would have helped. A lot.
kim (05.15.11, 9:19 PM): I would get proof and then yes I would tell, even if they hated me for the rest of their lives. Cheating is not ok.
Lloyd (05.15.11, 8:59 PM): I would never get involved, even for the closest of friends, since the affair is none of my business.