Aaron (04.12.10, 1:48 PM): Many many books have been written on this subject. But if I had to pick a common theme - I would say selfishness is the main culprit - on one or both people. Why are they selfish? It is another topic altogether. That is my opinion anyway.
Ross Armstrong (04.10.10, 11:34 AM): You only fall "out of love" because love is a choice and you choose to stop loving your spouse for whatever reason - maybe loving someone else or something else like work. We need to continue to choose to love each day and then the right feeling follow after!
Kathy (04.09.10, 5:11 PM): deep question...one could answer all the obvious reasons such as adultery, affairs, fighting and fussing, financial problems, differences of opinions on child-rearing, no common activities or interests... growing apart...but the greatest reason I see divorces happening is people's priorities are screwed up. God is supposed to be first, family second and work 3rd, and that that is the order God wants. A couple with a Christ centered marriage puts Him first by praying together and praying for each other, worshiping together, and raising their family by biblical principles. The husband is commanded by God to love his wife more than himself and the wife is to be supportive and submissive to the husband, and they are to be like-minded when it comes to raising and training children. Money and work supply the needs for the family but they should never be more important than the relationship with God and each other or they becomes idols..
Dan (04.09.10, 3:24 PM): Selfishness, a lack of communication, an unwillingness to compromise, unbalanced priorities, poor boundaries, comparison (comparison ALWAYS destroys contentment, i.e. what would it be like if....?).
christine (04.09.10, 1:03 PM): Interesting. Kelly, great thoughts I agree with what you are saying. It's a magical unknown journey in the beginning, lots of discovery and mystery. There are situations where major deal breakers come into play but those deal breakers in most cases are a result of a relationship already in crisis. I don't know about divorce. I've been with my husband for over 26 years (since high school). I don't think we had a strong relationship until about 15 years ago - so I tend to not really count the first 15 because we were stupid kids trying to find our way and at about 7 years into our marriage it would have been soooo easy to walk away. We almost did. It was HARD work to stay together! The hardest thing I ever did but it made us grow up and fight hard for each other and our family. For a couple of dumb kids that shouldn't have made it - we have a relationship that works for US and a relationship we WORK for. So many times we get wrapped up in the busy daily lives we weave, just function to survive without taking notice that our time spent on the relationship is minimal and lacking. You can get comfortable and take it for granted. Needs stop getting met, life pitches some situations that cause people to change. If you are lucky you grow and change together and not take separate paths. We have different interests and a lot of the times are going in different directions but at the end of the day we are together. Eliminate the insecurity, the jealousy, allow individualism and just don't forget to LOVE. It's amazing how 2 strong individuals can be a great team. Not every relationship style works for everyone, find style that works for you TWO and work hard at it. It's worth having.
Kelly (04.09.10, 12:22 PM): Marriage is a Muscle. I look at it allot like athletics, you can have an extremely gifted athlete that stops training, a few years go by and he is put in the position where they need to fall back on their skill and they find out they can't -compete in the same arena as they did before. Now the skill is there, the know how is there, but can they put the practice in to regain that level of excellence they had before? Many wont, you can always find that one who really wants what they had before and they have amazing comebacks. Early on you wanted to hear everything they had to say; now you are hiding credit card receipts. You would take of early to come home with a surprise, now you call to say you are missing dinner and the kid’s recital for a work deadline. The Athlete, Beer and Pretzels with friends or enroll in a league and get back in practice? When was the last time we invested in bettering a relationship? If it was the Athletes Injury or the Fight in the Marriage, the serious ones go for therapy to have someone help you regain what you lost. I am amazed that couples who get out of practice won’t spend/can’t afford the $50/hr to have someone coach them back into a healthy marriage but they can afford to give up half of everything they have. P.s. As a Christian I think it all starts with the foundation you built your marriage on.
Michael Andrew (04.09.10, 12:19 PM): Yes I have, it is a wonderful book!
Julia Shinkle (04.09.10, 12:15 PM): Have you ever read, "Love Languages" it is a good read and answers the question in a way that will make you understand not just your relationship with a spouse but friends too!