Lets say a family man is working 40 hours a week at his job. He commutes about an hour each day in both directions which puts his weekly work time at about 50 hours a week. His wife is at home with three children, which as we all know require a huge amount of work. Little Joey just started kindergarten, but mom is pretty much famished every day when Dad comes home at 6pm.
Because he is a good husband, Dad does his best to help with the children, cleaning of the home or any other chores his wife might need. Mom likes to get out of the house twice a week, and Dad is happy to watch the kids. Friday night is date night and both either catch dinner or a movie together. They have been living according to this routine for the last 5 years and eveyone seems to be happy.
Suddenly Dad becomes completely sick of working 50 hours a week, and through his ingenuity starts a new business that only requires him to work 1 hour per week. He even makes 10%-15% more than he did at his old job, which is more than enough for him to start two new hobbies….GOLF and GOLF.
Daddy golfs all day everyday M-F with the exception of working his one hour a week. Nothing else in the schedule changes…he comes home at 6pm on the money, helps clean up, watch the kids, have date nights etc.
Unfortunately, his wife resents all the time he is now spending on the golf course…understandibly so….while she is stuck at home with the three ankle-biters.
She says “Honey I just wish that with all the free time you now have you could help me more….”
He says “Honey when I was working 50 hours a week at XYZ company I never had time for myself, I figured out a way for us to make more money, and nothing in the schedule has changed otherwise. Would it be any different for you if I went back to my old job and instead of doing something I love and spend that time in a cubicle?”
Which is right? Please explain your reasoning.
If we have more than 5 comments on this, I will tell you what I think…lol 😉
Well, to be honest, the wife is probably feeling a bit of jealousy. Since the husband’s circumstances changed, she feels that she would like hers to change as well. However, it does sound like he is doing a good job of providing for his family. I personally think both of them are right and wrong. That is where communication and meeting in the middle work out nicely. If they can afford it, he deserves a break – but I think the wife does also. Maybe he could spend just a little less time on the green and she could spend just a little more time doing something she would enjoy. Heck, she might even like to feel independent and get some sort of job herself. He doesn’t even necessarily need to be the one to watch the children, sounds like he’s good about that anyway. Maybe she could spend a few hours a week away from home pampering herself at a spa or taking some sort of class or doing a hobby she likes. I do however feel that it is just as important to spend time away from each other as it is to spend time together as a couple. I think that it is during those times of being apart that you begin to realize and understand just how much the other person means to you. You begin to miss and appreciate what they do. Just four more responses people ! Come on 🙂
It would be easy to say what this couple should or shouldn’t do! Ask your self this: how will you measure success in 20 years form now. If you look at the many fortune 500 companies that are sucuccessful companies out in America you will find great leaders both male and female that stuck it out in the trenches even when the big buck started coming in. they did that to ensure the success of their company after a time they eventually got to reap the rewards of the hard work & long suffering. They fly in jet plans and stay in 5 star hotels! they did what it took to be successful for a season . this marriage he can go out their and play golf (G.O.L.F. =Gentleman Only Women Forbidden) as much as he likes but i would love to see how successful his family is in 20 years from now!
wow gee i think dad should get the father of the year award and a beer if he would like one.
I think Maria and Joann make excellent points. I have to say on a certain level the man had a point but if he is making life ‘better’ for his family and is bringing in more money and spending less time at work, why not actually use all that free time to help out his wife, let her take up a hobby or just run errands with out kids (it take like half the time…really.) He could still play golf everyday and come home at 4pm or even better play golf 4 days a week and stay home the 5th. Sure the wife is probably jealous, but the husband shouldn’t be so selfish either and should make things ‘better’ for his family by actually being a more active participant because he now has the time to. Hypothetically, what if the wife is sick one day, will he stay home with the kids he loves or play golf and make his wife suffer thru it. I’ll tell you that would cause some serious tension in my house.
I don’t think the wife is complaining that he is spending time doing what he loves…just that she is saying in a not so clear way that she would like respite from her day to day activities…Yes, he earned it through his ingenuity, however we must not forget that she is his wife and he needs to look out for her needs/wants as well, (most women forget to take care of themselves when they’re a wife and mother) maybe just let her know she can go out for a day or two a week to do completely what she wants – most women would only take "maybe" one day a week once she felt like she was a priority and her needs mattered.
They both are, but from their own perspective. The woman of course would think her husband would want to spend a decent portion of the new found 49 hours a week with her and the kids because he loves them. AND she is jealous of the fact that he only works one hour a week plus the previously allotted time he put into the family which didn’t change, where her schedule didn’t change at all and she feels stuck. The man thinks, well, things were great as they were, my wife and family are all doing fabulous, so I can spend this time on something that I have always wanted to do and develop that talent: golf.
Now, if he goes pro, then we might have a different argument…being that technically he IS working. 🙂
Being female, I would of course lean to the side of the woman. Marriage is work and it should be approached where both parties are equal. When something in the routine changes (such as having kids, loss of a job, medical issues, whatever) each person should do whatever they can to make sure that the other is happy. It would take a strong woman indeed to not start resenting her husband in the scenario you present Michael.
Oh, I could go on and on, talk about quality vs quantity of time, role of husband and wife, etc, but this comment is long enough. Okay, this is number five Michael, let’s hear what you have to say.
I don’t think that your wife would be famished; after all you do work 50 hours a week, and so she gets plenty of food for herself and the children, she may even be fat. I think the word you were looking for could be bleary. (sorry to be the informant) Back to the comment on your blog; I believe that if the husband has found a way to work 1 hour per week that it not only is miraculous, but that he should be willing to share his knowledge (maven) by holding seimnars 39 + hours per week which will cause his wife to adore and pamper him and there will be no cause for resentment. On a more direct note, if he is not ingenuitive enough to hold siminars, he should be using his time for the betterment of the marriage, and still save some spare time for his two hobbies; golf, and golf. The End
If you caught my typo; I do not appreciate informants. Please refrain; some people are just rude!
A purely hypothetical question….
Lets say a wife is working 40 hours a week at her job. She commutes about an hour each day in both directions which puts her weekly work time at about 50 hours a week. Her husband is at home with three children, which as we all know require a huge amount of work. Little Joey just started kindergarten, but Dad is pretty much famished every day when Mom comes home at 6pm.
Because she is a good wife, Mom does her best to help with the children, cleaning of the home or any other chores her husband might need. Dad likes to get out of the house twice a week, and Mom is happy to watch the kids. Friday night is date night and both either catch dinner or a movie together. They have been living according to this routine for the last 5 years and eveyone seems to be happy.
Suddenly Mom becomes completely sick of working 50 hours a week, and through her ingenuity starts a new business that only requires her to work 1 hour per week. She even makes 10%-15% more than she did at her old job, which is more than enough for her to start two new hobbies….GOLF and GOLF.
Mommy golfs all day everyday M-F with the exception of working her one hour a week. Nothing else in the schedule changes…she comes home at 6pm on the money, helps clean up, watch the kids, have date nights etc.
Unfortunately, her husband resents all the time she is now spending on the golf course…understandibly so….while he is stuck at home with the three ankle-biters.
He says "Honey I just wish that with all the free time you now have you could help me more…."
She says "Honey when I was working 50 hours a week at XYZ company I never had time for myself, I figured out a way for us to make more money, and nothing in the schedule has changed otherwise. Would it be any different for you if I went back to my old job and instead of doing something I love and spend that time in a cubicle?"
Which is right? Please explain your reasoning.
Hi JoJo- Great question- I have thought about this. My answer is the same for either the male or female bread winners. The sex of the person with the ingenuity or the one watching the children has no bearing on the reasoning of the argument….at least for me. I respect and admire anyone that would have the guts to pull something like this off.
I will confide however, the scenerio I presented tends to draw more criticism of the husband than the scenerio you presented. An interesting question you may want to ask yourself, is "what do the husband and wife look like in either situation?" Are they fat, thin, beautiful, etc? This gets some truly bizarre answers….
hey debbie…I didnt catch any typos in your comments…. lol….;)
Would it be different if she wasn’t a stay at home mom?
I dont know Kim….would it?
well I ask it because some people believe that being a stay at home mom isn’t an actual job and so they shouldn’t be complaining. The answer to whether or not it is right or wrong would depend on the husband’s perspective on what his wife actually does all day. I think all women would appreciate a man staying with the kids all day at least once just to see what they put up with on a day to day basis.
no kidding! I went to visit my friend in Idaho a few weeks ago, he has three kids whom I love dearly, but it was an amazing eye opener to how much work it takes. I had no clue….being a mom is truly one of the most amazing things someone can do.