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Blind Dating 103: Expectations
First off I would like to say thank you for your comments as well as the flood of emails I have received regarding my blind dating insights. We need to remember a few things when we are discussing blind dating:
1. No one….and I mean no one, knows as much as I do about the dynamics of blind dating. I shudder at the confession. If you were to guess….how many times do you think Michael Andrew has been approached with a potential blind date? If there was a martial art against blind dating, I am the blind monk with a cricket in my hand. You can hate me for it; just remember I am still on your side.
2. Blind dating is a lot like road kill, it starts out as nice warm fuzzy only to be splattered all over the road. Granted it isn’t Fido or Bambi, its more things like hope, self esteem. etc. As ugly as the results are, it’s hard not to look. Everyone loves a good blind date story. Should I share some case studies?
3. I am against blind dating. The whole gist of all these blind dating entries is to end blind dating. Just say no!
4. I repeat, if you absolutely feel that you must introduce two people, do so in a large group setting. It eliminates just about every single possible bad outcome blind dating brings.
One particular reason blind dating never works as one emailer so thoroughly explained, is because of unreasonable expectation levels.
This is tricky stuff when you are trying to “sell” someone to another person they have never met, or seen. (Put Thad’s story here…lol- Thad you wanna share with us?)
The setter upper has to convince both setteruppees that this will be worth their time. So what does she do? She talks them up!
The guy has envisions this woman looks like Pamela Anderson and acts like Mother Teresa, and get this….she is single. Because they are being set up by an “expert” who knows them both so well…sadly…he has an expectation that she will like him no matter what, cook great meals every night for the rest of their lives and rub his feet when he comes home from work.
The girl has expectations that in addition to his Michael Andrew-esque looks, uh…I mean Brad Pitt-like-looks, he is a multi millionaire, loves children, is a former professional athlete, and will serenade her from her lawn at midnight with his smooth strumming guitar and butter like voice. She knows that with the news of this new blind date that her lonely nights are officially over.
The setter upper, for some odd reason, expects to hear her friends humming “Matchmaker Matchmaker” ala Fiddler on the Roof, shower her with praises, and award a small finders fee.
I think my father summed it up best:
“Disappointment is the fruit of expectation.”
Stephen Covey teaches that one of the principles of highly effective people is to under commit and over deliver. What that means is, you want to LOWER expectation levels in all you do, and then EXCEED them in a fabulous manner.
If you absolutely must describe someone, be extremely careful about it. Do not talk them up! Be as vague and general as possible. “Female, single, blond, breathing” are all good.
Its much better for a person to turn down the opportunity to meet someone new, then for them to be locked into a date they don’t want to be on. If they are truly desperate enough to date someone, they will be willing to meet them in a large public setting, no matter how mild your description is, otherwise they will say no.
The next Blind Dating entry will be: “Setteruppers and their Motivations.” But before I post that…search your feelings and please answer me….Why do people set other people up? I know of at least 4 distinct motivating factors.