I had just dropped out of college, 5 years into a PhD. It was an extremely nerve racking time for me. Surrendering the proof (think diploma) of a doctorate was career suicide in my field (Developmental Genetics). I was broke and wasn’t really sure where my life was going. all I knew was that I had several weddings booked and I was toying with an idea of making a free online photography school.
Summer started, and I began to notice, that my air conditioning wasn’t working correctly. I called the repair in, and the landlord sent out the AC repairman who informed me “the air conditioning unit is working at full capacity”, it was 92-94 degrees INSIDE my apartment, and such, was intolerable. I called the landlord again, but this time they said they weren’t going to do anything about it as the AC unit was working. (There is a big difference between something working and your apartment being tolerable). I felt really trapped because I had just signed a lease, couldn’t sleep at night and felt like I was locked into a hellish situation. The only way I could cool off was to take a cold shower every 2 hours, which got old.
I continued to try to call my landlord to resolve this in reasonable terms, to which they told me to never call them again (but not with such nice words).
Then, I did something bold and called the police to file a complaint with them. My strategy with this was to build up record evidence against my landlord, in the event we went to court. So that’s the short version of a long story to lead up to a great lesson I learned that night.
The cop came over, inspected the apartment, agreed it was miserable and invited me to come sit with him in his patrol car. He filled out the report, gave me a case number, then looked me in the eye and asked: “How old are you?” I told him. And then he said something I hope I never forget: “Michael, You take care of you.”
Now I know this might seem like a duh moment, but what I took this to mean was: “You are not at the mercy of your seemingly hopeless situation. You are a grown man. Do something about it. Don’t let these punk landlords push you around, if you don’t like something, if you are hurt, hungry, in this case hot, don’t go asking around for help, or calling the cops when you can solve your own problems. Get the heck out of here! The more you believe you are at the mercy of your situation, boss, employer, house payment, health condition, the more helpless you are. The more you believe you can solve your own problems, the more independent you will become.”
That was a really big turning point in my life and I started to realize, that I really did control where I was going, and if I didn’t like something about my life, it was my fault. I know this is a tough pill to swallow, but I honestly believe it applies to nearly all situations in life. Don’t listen to the lie that will come into your head, the excuse, the reason for not taking action. Most of the time all we need to do is change our attitudes.
If you don’t like something about your life. Change it. If you believe you cannot change it, then yes, you are stuck and you always will be until you get sick of it to the point of doing something about it.
(As a side note- If you decide to discuss this with me as a friend on a personal level, I will give you the same advice I am now, but I will secretly think you are wimpy even though I still love and care about you.)
There is a very specific reason I am saying this, but I wont mention it because I think if I am vague here, it will apply to more situations.
Don’t count on anyone to come save you. You are smart, capable and if you come up with a plan, you will be free.
You take care of you. (Be your own bailout!)I had just dropped out of college, 5 years into a PhD. It was an extremely nerve racking time for me. Surrendering the proof (think diploma) of a doctorate was career suicide in my field (Developmental Genetics). I was broke and wasn’t really sure where my life was going. all I knew was that I had several weddings booked and I was toying with an idea of making a free online photography school.
Summer started, and I began to notice, that my air conditioning wasn’t working correctly. I called the repair in, and the landlord sent out the AC repairman who informed me “the air conditioning unit is working at full capacity”, it was 92-94 degrees INSIDE my apartment, and such, was intolerable. I called the landlord again, but this time they said they weren’t going to do anything about it as the AC unit was working. (There is a big difference between something working and your apartment being tolerable). I felt really trapped because I had just signed a lease, couldn’t sleep at night and felt like I was locked into a hellish situation. The only way I could cool off was to take a cold shower every 2 hours, which got old.
I continued to try to call my landlord to resolve this in reasonable terms, to which they told me to never call them again (but not with such nice words).
Then, I did something bold and called the police to file a complaint with them. My strategy with this was to build up record evidence against my landlord, in the event we went to court. So that’s the short version of a long story to lead up to a great lesson I learned that night.
The cop came over, inspected the apartment, agreed it was miserable and invited me to come sit with him in his patrol car. He filled out the report, gave me a case number, then looked me in the eye and asked: “How old are you?” I told him. And then he said something I hope I never forget: “Michael, You take care of you.”
Now I know this might seem like a duh moment, but what I took this to mean was: “You are not at the mercy of your seemingly hopeless situation. You are a grown man. Do something about it. Don’t let these punk landlords push you around, if you don’t like something, if you are hurt, hungry, in this case hot, don’t go asking around for help, or calling the cops when you can solve your own problems. Get the heck out of here! The more you believe you are at the mercy of your situation, boss, employer, house payment, health condition, the more helpless you are. The more you believe you can solve your own problems, the more independent you will become.”
That was a really big turning point in my life and I started to realize, that I really did control where I was going, and if I didn’t like something about my life, it was my fault. I know this is a tough pill to swallow, but I honestly believe it applies to nearly all situations in life. Don’t listen to the lie that will come into your head, the excuse, the reason for not taking action. Most of the time all we need to do is change our attitudes.
If you don’t like something about your life. Change it. If you believe you cannot change it, then yes, you are stuck and you always will be until you get sick of it to the point of doing something about it.
(As a side note- If you decide to discuss this with me as a friend on a personal level, I will give you the same advice I am now, but I will secretly think you are wimpy even though I still love and care about you.)
There is a very specific reason I am saying this, but I wont mention it because I think if I am vague here, it will apply to more situations.
Don’t count on anyone to come save you. You are smart, capable and if you come up with a plan, you will be free.
You take care of you. (Be your own bailout!)
these are the truths I hold onto to guide me and give me hope and joy in whatever circumstances I am in:
Prov 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Prov 3:13 Happy is the man who finds wisdom, And the man who gains understanding; 14 For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver, And her gain than fine gold. 15 She is more precious than rubies, And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
Michael, thank you for sharing that story. I hope it brings an "Ah!" moment to those who do feel "stuck"….long story short which kind of goes along your story lines…..last year my husband’s health was really not good and summer came along and we were not doing anything…I mean NOTHING….so, what did we do? I ordered a "mobility scooter" for him….no excuse now….out the door we were! Sorry for going on and on…but, nice story…..really appreciate it.
Great story in this time of "what can you do for me?". People need to learn to do for themselves, and I think they will find that they are much happier. I was in a similar situation with my degree in Health administration. I have been running health care facilities for 5 years and was miserable. I decided that now was the time to make a leap. I had no wife, no kids, and if I ever wanted to make a change, now was the time. That was 10 years ago and I haven’t looked back. I now own a small computer consulting business with 2 employees and couldn’t be happier. If you put your happiness in someone else’s hands, you will always be disappointed.
Michael, I think this is one of the greatest things you have blogged about to date. What an encouraging story. Thanks for sharing it.
Thanks Michael! Don’t get to post often but "had" to respond to this one! I was having one of those feeling stuck moments last week due to my health condition. It’s really affecting my photography and some of my daily activities but I soooo appreciate your post here. I’ve signed up for the B’ham MS Walk on April 18th and I’ve formed a team to walk with me. I’ve decided that I’m going to do anything and everything to fight this disease and raise as much money as possible for research. I refuse to sit by and let my life just slip by without a good fight!! I’m taking care of me!!
Great post M- Thank you. Id like to add something here, at least what I got out of it: If someone is miserable with an unchanging situation, and they have the power to change it, then they deserve the agony it brings until they do.
Micheal, you are so right!! And look at where you are now! It’s like the discussion my boys are so sick of having with me…life is all about choices.
Excellent Post
Thanks for the feedback and input everyone, I appreciate it!
Amen Mike. Those reasons are why my husband and I went into business for ourselves.. it’s still tough but we make our own decisions and are in control of our life.
i LOVE this michael, thanks for sharing something so personal that applies to everyone!! I am learning this slowly for myself and results are AMAZING!!
Michael – I love the book by Jack Canfield – The Success Principles…it’s a life changing book.
For instance, I always have liked real estate – I have always wanted to buy a rental property. This book shows you ways to make your dream come true and soon you realize with everythign in life "why not me." With desire, focus and doing just a little bit each day – you will achieve dramatic results…Oh – and yes – i own that rental property now…..sites on another one.
love your posts; you’ve got talent 🙂