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The Dating Circus in Utah
I had some really, REALLY, weird dating experiences when I was staying in Utah. Probably a misunderstanding on my part, but because I know at least one or two of these dates may be reading this blog, I thought I would throw this up here as a subtle hint as to why you suddenly stopped hearing from me. Lots of first dates….LOTS, not many second, and I think there was one third. Ill just try to keep this as general as possible to protect the innocent.
Let’s start this circus:
1. Don’t Tattoo Your Face ala Mike Tyson between the first and second dates
2. Don’t call your date, cry and ask him to take you out for a birthday dinner, then change plans an hour before meeting, because you were eating birthday dinner with your family.
3. Don’t open your first date with the comment of “My boobs are real”
4. Playing practical jokes on your date that might embarrass him will not win you brownie points.
5. If you decide to bring along random people with you on your dates, without telling the guy you are going out with, do not offer them food from your date’s plate.
6. If your date really really hates mushrooms, do not order a freaking huge plate of them and then eat them in front of him, and then insist on a kiss at the end of the night. You will never hear from him again… ever.
7. Don’t spend the entire night describing how much you hate your ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, your children, your dog, your job, the government and everything on television. Avoid generalizing statements such as “all men are scum, losers, jerks, etc”
8. Do not make comments such as “thanks for a free dinner” and then expect your date would even be remotely interested in doing a free photoshoot for you and your children 2 months later after no contact.
9. If your dates does give you a free photoshoot, and the images look great, and he wants to use them in a video or display ad, offers to pay you to use the image, do not insist that it is “worth thousands of dollars” and then get all upset when he decides not to use it instead of paying you such thousands. This is especially true when you have the very same copyrighted images plastered all over your MySpace and Facebook pages, which he gave to your for free.
10. If you have a date set up and have to break it 5 minutes before, he will probably understand, things happen. If you do it a second time in a row, this reflects poorly on you. If you do it three times, you shouldn’t be wondering why he is not returning your phone calls.
11. Don’t take up stalker like behaviors after the first date, this includes following your date around during the day.
12. If you have a drinking problem, do not advertise this as an asset.
13. Do not ask or text your date: “So you are going to dump me now…” If you haven’t heard from him in one single day, and especially if you are not in a committed relationship with him.
14. Don’t ask your date for money to pay for gas or for a baby sitter to watch your kids, in order for you to grace him with your presence.
There are more, but I think my subconscious has temporarily blocked them for now. If you might be guilty of any of these things, I am probably not talking about you, but, we can all learn from others, so just take them to heart.